


When I Have Nothing I Have(n't Got) You

by ohmaggies (orphan_account)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: DEFINITELY not a happy ending, F/F, M/M, Monty Green POV, and he deserves the world, basically just fucked me up, but jasper jordan is almost a precious cinnamon roll just minus the sad, monty green is a precious cinnamon roll who is so sad, no happy ending, there's like a kind of love scene in there but i can't write smut so it sucks but it's in there, this is just sad and i am not okay, this whole thing messed me up completely
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-04 05:57:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4127532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ohmaggies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'The youngest boy had been happy enough to take the fall for it, after all, he had taken the stuff and shoved it in Jasper’s face with a wicked gleam in his eyes, but he hadn’t pressured him to do it. No, Jasper had chosen to do it himself and Monty had paid for it.'</p>
<p>Monty and Jasper were busted a year and a half ago for smoking weed, except, Jasper told a few lies and he didn't get busted but Monty paid the price and for what it's worth, those years spent pining over Jasper Jordan definitely weren't his best.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I Have Nothing I Have(n't Got) You

Monty Green had always lived a simple life with his parents in the fourth house on the corner next to the park where Jasper Jordan was always hanging upside down on the playground, greeting his friend with goggles perched on his head- how they seemed to defy gravity was beyond Monty- and a greeting whistle and Monty would walk past, lower his gaze to the floor.

They weren’t exactly friends, hadn’t been since they were in juvenile detention together for taking drugs- or herbs as Jasper had said, making it sound more like a recipe than smoking pot- or when they got really high and ending up crying to ‘Iris’ by the Goo Goo Dolls and a lot of things happened that Monty’s ex-friend didn’t remember but Monty did.

He still remembers waking up next to the older boy which hands clasped and hearing his whispers in the dark before Jordan left and the later that day, someone turned them in.

Orange jumpsuits and a friendship that seemed to drift apart farther until finally they didn’t even talk, barely even made eye-contact.

A few months later and Jasper was out after a couple of little white lies and Monty was still painting over graffiti, paying for his sins at the local community service building under Mr. Jaha’s careful eye, side-by-side with others with more tragic backstories than his; Clarke Griffin- her mother turned her in for something, Monty never found out what-, Raven Reyes- did a faulty service on her ex-cheating boyfriend and he was severely injured in a crash, she told Monty with a crooked smile one day, breathing warmth back into a cold cup of coffee-,  and finally, John Murphy- barely spoke, refused to talk apart from the time Monty had an anxiety attack and he helped calm him down, said he used to get them all the time.

Even when he finally left the detention centre, he couldn’t face Jasper or the world, didn’t go to school but spent nights pouring over cups of caffeine and trying to starve off withdrawals and the pain of a broken heart.

Things got harder and summer turned to winter and sadness turned to numbness and eventually he left the house, hands tucked in his pocket, walking twice around his block before he finally noticed Jasper talking to one of the girls from their school, hands entwined, and his heart dropped down into his stomach.

He should have known it was a bad idea to leave, to try and face the world once again, but his head didn’t listen; why would it?

Feet walking faster and faster on the concrete beneath him, Monty ran back to his house, ignoring the way his ex-friend—and first love—watched after him with a careful eye, nodding along subconsciously as the pretty girl beside him spoke. She was in his science class, atleast, she used to be a few months ago when Monty was still in school, and he remembered partnering up with her for a project once.

It felt like a punch in the gut to see her looking up at Jasper in the same way Monty used to; probably still did.

“So I said... And Maya told me that...” she rambled on, her voice drifting slowly as the teenager made ground, just running and running until eventually he could barely run anymore and his head was pounding and his calves were burning and he just wanted to lie down and never get up.

So he did, except twenty five minutes passed and a shadow seemed to cloud his vision for a moment before he heard a voice calling down to him.

“Monty?”

And in a few mere seconds, he felt his whole world fall down around him. The Earth burned to dust and the world seemed to cave in on itself and the birds stopped singing and somewhere, Monty Green’s grandchildren seized to exist.

“Jas?” he croaked.

He only just managed to open his eyes to stare back at the face of his friend, fringe blocking part of Jasper from view. Jesus, he looked like a freaking angel and somehow the planets aligned and Monty was looking right up at his ex-friend. And man, did he regret a lot of things.

“You’ve really let yourself go, huh?”

“Shut up,” he muttered, accepting the hand Jasper offered him, pulling him off of the concrete ground. The girl from his old science class wasn’t around anymore, just hanging in the back on her phone with a scowl on her face.

Part of the boy wanted to shun his friend, push him off and glare at him, not even utter a word, and let the silence that will fall between them speak for him.

He didn’t. But only because he loves Jasper. For years, that was all it came down to. The fact that when he looked over at his best friend, he saw dark hair and chestnut eyes and happiness that he could find in no one else. God, Jasper Jordan had once made Monty Green the happiest teenage boy alive.

But then?

It felt foreign to be hearing his voice, and to be feeling his touch, and remembering those days when they got too high- the ones that Jasper doesn’t remember- and he would cup his hands around his face and whisper ‘I love you, I love you, I love you’ until the words were off his tongue and his friend was kissing him, initiating it, and hours later when they came to, would always ask what had happened.

Like he didn’t know.

Maybe he didn’t. Maybe he didn’t remember wandering his hands up Monty’s shirt and breathing heat onto his friend’s neck and saying ‘We’re just friends’ as if to convince himself it was true.

They were just friends, but only if they weren’t stoned. When Monty pulled the packet of herbs from his bag, nothing was off limits.

Monty tried not to be sad.

“Where have you been?” Jasper asked, hands tucked into his pocket as he cast a glance over at his girlfriend, almost rolling his eyes. “I haven’t seen you in a while. I called but your mom said you couldn’t talk. So I called again—“

“I’ve been busy.”

“Too busy for me, Mont?” his friend whispered, voice almost pleading. He looked sad, regretful, and even if Monty’s heart broke at the sight, he wasn’t going to crack and tell him how much he’d missed him.

Jasper had abandoned him a long time ago. He couldn’t forgive him for that no matter how hard he tried.

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I was doing community service after you left and then I started seeing someone to make sure I didn’t start using again.”

“This is my fault,” the other teenager whispered, shaking his head, his dark fringe curling down over his forehead. “I should’ve taken the fall for it, man.”

“I’m fine,” Monty insisted, ignoring the hurt tone that cursed his friend’s words. “I went down to see my Aunt, okay? I stayed with her for a while. I should’ve told you I was leaving.”

It was a lie. The entire time locked up in his room with red-rimmed eyes and a broken heart and not once had he seen his Aunt, nor had he spoken to her, but if it made it easier on Jasper, he was willing to not tell the truth.

“Oh, yeah. I guess that would’ve been nice.”

“Hey,” a voice interrupted. “Jas, we have to go. Raven texted me; she’s bringing Clarke and Bellamy tonight. We have to be there soon.”

It was the girl from earlier. She seemed nice, was smart too, and by all standards was conventionally pretty, which was something you didn’t get much of anymore.

“Yeah, I was just talking to Monty,” Jasper replied, looking back over at the other boy. “I’ll guess I’ll see you ‘round, huh? I’ll call.”

“No.”

“I’ll come around and drop off a cake. Maybe even get a leaf piped onto it or something.”

“Don’t.”

“Your parents would probably crucify you. Definitely not one of my best ideas. I’ll just—Is your number still the same?”

Monty inhaled a deep breath through his nose, nodding slowly. “Same number,” he replied, frowning. They weren’t going to be friends again; it’d been a year and a bit since they’d last seen each other, maybe even longer. Sure felt like it.

“I’m Octavia,” the girl introduced, thrusting her hand forward. He already knew her but he moved to shake it anyway. “You were in my Science, right?”

“Yeah,” he said. “We did a project together.”

“I remember. Anyway, it was nice to meet you,” she said genuinely, offering a polite smile. It seemed real so he was thankful for that. “Maybe we’ll see you again sometime?”

‘ _We_ ’....

Only annoying couples that were in-love used ‘ _we_ ’ to refer to themselves. That was a bad sign if he’d ever had heard one.

“Bye,” the teenager called back, watching the figures of Jasper and Octavia fade well into the distance. Another night in with B-grade horror movies and cheesy comedies; every teenage boy’s wet dream.

__

It wasn’t until around eleven that night that his phone buzzed beside him, hand pressing pause on the remote, the opening sequence of ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ pressed upon his television screen, that Jasper finally texted him. Monty scrambled for his phone, reading what Jasper had sent.

_( **TEXT** ):_ **JASPER JORDAN _-_** _this party blows._

Monty grinned. Like Jasper had ever been to any other party in his entire life. But then again, things had changed dramatically since they’d both been caught smoking, and with Octavia by his ex-friend’s side, maybe he was more popular than he had been when he was the loser.

_( **TEXT** ): Glad to hear you’re enjoying yourself, Jasper._

For years and years, they’d been the outcasts, the boys that were constantly joined at the hip. And then they got busted, ten years of friendship crushed in one moment of stupidity. It Monty hadn’t have taken the fall for it all, Jasper would have just finished helping him paint over walls around town as part of his six-hundred scheduled days of community service.

He met some great friends, but none he still kept in contact with. It wasn’t worth the risk. Friends or not, Monty still spent his days watching a television screen.

_( **TEXT** ):_ **JASPER JORDAN _-_** _if I have to hear raven reyes tell me one more time how great her boyfriend is I might just strangle him so she’ll be quiet._

_( **TEXT** ): Is your boyfriend great?_

It was a stupid attempt at flirting, or more like testing the waters, seeing if Jasper was dating, even though he probably spent his days pressed between the insides of Octavia’s legs. Maybe they were the new _It_ couple at school.

_( **TEXT** ):_ **JASPER JORDAN _-_** _dunno... ( **TEXT** ):_ **JASPER JORDAN _-_** _whoops. said ‘boyfriend’ is a girl. clarke griffin to be exact._

Wasn’t like it was a surprise. Since meeting her and Raven at his community service, they’d been flirting back and forth for what seemed like forever. It wasn’t a matter of if they got together but more of a matter of when.

_( **TEXT** ): I knew it._

_( **TEXT** ): _ **JASPER JORDAN-** _i’ve missed you, monty._

The boy inhaled a breath, phone discarded onto his bed as he flopped down onto it, head nearly touching his pillow and feet dangling off the end. Sure, he’d missed Jasper too but his friend hadn’t even made the effort to see him again, not until that day, and maybe— _Maybe that wasn’t enough_.

Sighing, Monty reached for his mobile in the dark, the only night that of the television light shining around the room in a dim glow but it didn’t help at all and the only way he found it was because he threw his hand down and somehow it appeared beneath his palm, pressed against the surface of his bed and dinging as another text came through.

_( **TEXT** ): _**JASPER JORDAN-** i shouldn’t have said anything. _( **TEXT** ): _**JASPER JORDAN-** this was a mistake

He was losing him almost as fast as he’d gotten him back.

_( **TEXT** ): I missed you too, Jas._

_Okay_ , Monty told himself, _we’re not doing this again. You are absolutely, one-hundred percent not going to fall for Jasper Jordan again, even if it means living in your parent’s house for another few years and then moving to the middle of nowhere to raise cows and chickens and have a house full of cats. Absolutely no way, Monty Green. Don’t you dare._

_( **TEXT** ): _ **JASPER JORDAN-** _i thought maybe you’d hate me after what happened. i thought it was my fault that our friendship fell apart._

And just like that, he was wrapped around his finger. Again. And damn if it didn’t feel good and bad at the same time, like eating ice-cream and simultaneously having a brain-freeze.

_( **TEXT** ): Friends?_

_( **TEXT)** :_ **JASPER JORDAN-** _Friends._

That night, he spent the whole night tossing and turning, texting back and forth with his new ex-ex-friend and sharing awful jokes he saw on the internet or giving Jasper recaps of episodes of ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ with the widest grin on his face and choking back laughter into the sheets on his bed.

And come morning, birds were chirping and life was great, even if his eyes burned and he’d watched two seasons while he stared at Gordon Ramsay and his phone one at a time.

When he finally fell asleep, he made sure to change Jasper’s name in his phone. Maybe they could be friends again. Maybe they already were. Or maybe this was meant nothing, but he preferred not to think about it like that.

____

_( **TEXT** ): _**MY BOY-** school sucks. _( **TEXT** ):_ **MY BOY-** octavia’s having a part afterwards at her brother’s house. you should come. she said i should bring you. _( **TEXT** ): _**MY BOY-** remind me why i thought algebra was a good idea??? _( **TEXT** ): _**MY BOY-** i finish soon. _( **TEXT** ): _**MY BOY-** can i drop by to see you?

Monty stared back at the screen, fingers paused over the keyboard on his phone, inhaling a deep breath through his nose. Jasper couldn’t drop by but he wanted him to, he wanted to see him again, and even after all the trouble they’d been through, he couldn’t find it in himself to hate his friend. No matter how hard he tried to be angry for everything- for Jasper leaving him alone in juvenile detention, for Jasper letting Monty take all the blame for what they’d done, and for abandoning him- he couldn’t be.

He couldn’t.

Because he had once loved him and spent years dreaming of what their life would be like if his friend finally noticed that to Monty, he put the stars in the sky.

Monty had loved him once, a lot, and he had spent years after juvie telling himself that he didn’t feel that way again, no after everything had happened, but seeing Jasper the other day, it had all come back to him, and he couldn’t stop the butterflies that broke out of their cocoons when he was looking up at that familiar face.

God, what had he gotten himself into?

He texted back his reply and shut off his phone, cursing himself for what he’d done. What was he even doing? Jasper had left him a long time ago and for over a year he hadn’t had even half an interest in healing their friendship, why was he even bothering now?

Sure, they had been friends for ten years but abandonment tended to put an end to a relationship pretty quickly. The youngest boy had been happy enough to take the fall for it, after all, he had taken the stuff and shoved it in Jasper’s face with a wicked gleam in his eyes, but he hadn’t pressured him to do it. No, Jasper had chosen to do it himself and Monty had paid for it.

The boy tugged up his shoes, leaning against his bed to tie up his laces, and headed for his bedroom door, hand paused on the doorknob. He had to sneak past his parents, it wouldn’t be easy, but it would be worth it.

For all the hours and days and minutes and years spent pining over Jasper, for the childhood dreams and having to watch his friend flirt shamelessly with girls, his younger self would want him to do it.

He reached for the jacket at his feet and shrugging it over his small frame, giving a shake of his head before he tugged his door open, head peeking out to look for his father. _Monty Green_ , the teenager cursed himself, _you are an idiot_.

__

The boy kicked his feet on the ground, hands tucked into his pocket as he swung on the swing, not even looking around for anyone but only at the ground, feet lifting up a patch of grass. His white sneakers were brown and his hair was tucked into his hoodie and he was just lifting his hand to yawn when he saw Jasper making his way over, hair tousled and waving goodbye to Octavia, who called out a greeting to Monty before she drove away.

What a surprise.

“Hey.”

The younger teenager raised his hand, not saying hello or even asking how he was but keeping quiet, still swinging on the swing-set.

Jasper joined him after standing there for far too long, probably wondering why Monty wanted to meet at some shitty park of all the places they could meet but he didn’t say anything, just stared over at his friend with furrowed eyebrows.

“Monty,” he said. Just a single word, said so softly and kindly that Monty had to look up at him, had to see the way his eyes darted to his face, to his lips then his eyes, and he let out a sound that was a cross between a whine and a moan. “Fucking Hell, Mont. What is your problem?”

“My problem?” he choked. Okay, so maybe he’d gotten a little pre-occupied with looking at Jasper’s face but he didn’t have any kind of problem except one... “Why now? We haven’t spoken in a year and a half and I’ve been purposely been avoiding you when I walk so Jas—Why _now_?”

“Because it doesn’t feel right to graduate without you.”

So maybe Monty was angry anymore, or even disappointed, just a little shocked, or maybe sympathetic towards his friend because he managed to say, “It didn’t feel right to spend a year painting over profanity without you.”

Because Monty Green may have left school but Jasper Jordan left Monty.

“I’m sorry.”

“Jasper,” the boy said, leaning over towards his friend. Their eyes met, both inhaling a nervous breath. “Hey, it isn’t your fault. I took the fall for it; you don’t have to be sorry.”

“I abandoned you—“

They both knew it was true. For years and years it had been Jasper and Monty, the dynamic duo, and then Monty’s parents found them high in his room and someone told someone, and finally, they were handed orange jumpsuits and forced to spend their days with other delinquents. Except, Jasper didn’t. Because he pulled the innocent card and Monty let him, and God, they both regretted their choices every day.

“I was so freaking scared of failing school and not getting into engineering that I didn’t even think about it. I just saw you walk past every day avoiding me and I swung upside down and tried to get your attention but... You just looked straight through me. Like I wasn’t there.”

“I had to. I wasn’t allowed to see you. My parents barely let me leave the house, let alone hang out with you. I tried.”

“ _Shit_ —I called and I came around and I sent you texts and messages and you didn’t even know, the whole time, Monty!”

Silence draped over them, hands reaching for the others as the sun nestled deep into the horizon, a display of oranges and reds and pinks cast over the ground, both staying completely still. There wasn’t any reason to move and if he didn’t have to, he wouldn’t.

“I got the messages,” he muttered. “But I didn’t answer them.”

More silence followed by Jasper shifting beside him, eyes closed and his head shaking to the side. God, he was breaking his heart.

“I thought maybe you’d moved on and found someone else,” the younger boy admitted. “Then I saw Octavia and I knew you had. I mean, you’re allowed to but it feels weird knowing that I’m not your best friend anymore. Or maybe I never was.”

“You always were, _always._ You still are,” came the feeble reply, his head moving to rest on the other’s shoulder. “I could never replace you. Trust me, I tried, but you’re my best friend, no one even comes close.”

Looking over at him, Monty forgave him, saw the way his body shivered as he spoke and his voice cracked nervously on words, and Monty forgave him for everything. Every little thing that had happened, Monty forgave him.

_I love you._

“You should go now. Octavia’s party,” he whispered. “You don’t want to keep your girlfriend waiting. I need to get home anyway. My parents finish work soon.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Jasper scoffed. “Have you met her brother?”

“No?”

The older boy beside him laughed, and it wasn’t just a normal laugh or one that left you feeling cold, but it made Monty feel warm, comforted, and God, he had missed hearing that sound for the past year and a half. Everything they’d been through, that laugh was worth it.

 

“—Jas? Do you want her to be your girlfriend?”

Jasper stopped laughing, just sat deep in thought for a moment before his shoulders heaved with a half-hearted shrug. “I like her. She’s nice, pretty, but she’s not really my type.”

“You have a type?” Monty said. He didn’t mean to sound as astounded as he did but he must have because his friend’s face lit up with a smile, each corner of his mouth lifting so high they almost reached his eyes.

“Not really, do you?”

“Is male considered a type?” he whispered, subconsciously leaning closer to Jasper. He was trying to be as quiet as possible because even if his friend heard, he couldn’t stand the fact that maybe God was listening in. All those years, all those preachers yelling about homosexuality being a sin, and Monty hadn’t forgotten one part of it. Being gay had always been a part of him; a part of him that made Monty _Monty_. He wasn’t prepared to let everyone know about it, not yet atleast, except for one person; Jasper Jordan.

There was a moment of recognition before an “Oh” resounded and the teenager wanted to hide his face in shame or embarrassment but he didn’t. His best friend would accept him; that’s what they did.

“I-I didn’t know you were gay,” Jasper spluttered, his voice lowering. “I kind of thought you liked no one.”

“No... Not _no one_ , just _someone_ I can’t like,” he admitted.

They bid their goodbyes soon after, each walking in their separate directions; Jasper to a party with his friends and Monty to a lonely bedroom with a locked door.

He sat on his bed, staring at his phone and waiting for a text message from his friend but he never got one. Sitting there at three in the morning scribbling down codes and messing about on his laptop to distract him for the ache in his chest, the message that came through at three-thirty was not from Jasper but from Clarke.

They’d spent a while together at juvie and though they didn’t talk much, he was fond of her. He knew she was now one of Jasper’s friends and dating Raven, one of the other girls from juvie.

_( **TEXT** ): _ **CLARKE GRIFFIN:** _Long time no see, stranger. Are you okay?_

_( **TEXT** ): Why wouldn’t I be?_

_( **TEXT** ): _ **CLARKE GRIFFIN:** _As an acquaintance, and a friend of a friend, I just want to know. Jasper told me you guys spoke today for like the first time in almost two years. I didn’t even know you knew each other._

_( **TEXT** ): Ten years. It’s a long story though._

Monty wasn’t in the mood to speak to her or even look at anything that wasn’t computer codes so he discarded his phone on his bedside table, ignoring the texts that came through. Ten years was a long time but so was two, and even if he loved Jasper- and probably always will- nothing would make up for the fact that he had completely abandoned him.

He was a little unsteady, only managing to keep himself up and even with weary eyes and aching hands, the teenager knew that he would have to tell his friend.

Tell him that he wanted to kiss him but also wanted to never see his face again; tell him that his heart had ached for him for two years but that same heart ached from the pain of abandonment; tell him that he could never forgive him but he was trying to; tell him that he was sorry for everything but he couldn’t take the blame for it all anymore, he couldn’t.

His parents weren’t home, even if it was far too early for any sane person to be working. They didn’t usually work the typical nine to five, more like five to nine, so he was used to the crazy work hours.

When the doorbell downstairs rang, he expected the worse. Maybe they’d been hit in a crash or murdered or died in a fire or whatever cruel and over-the-top concoction of insane scenarios his brain could come up with, so he pulled his jeans on over his boxers and ran down the stairs.

Only, the moment he opened the door, he was struggling to breathe. Hands were gripping his face and nails pressing into the skin of his face, and his lips were moulded against his own. Monty wanted to pull back but the second he tried to, the other person was pulling him back, hands still on his face and lips still against his.

“I have a type,” a voice slurred, words mumbled against Monty’s lips. “I definitely have a type,” it repeated.

“Jasper!” the younger boy exclaimed, pulling back from the kiss to stare at his friend. “W-What are you doing?”

“Clarke,” came the single word reply.

Monty didn’t care, he just pulled his friend back against him, making sure their bodies were pressed tight because he had no intent of ever letting him go.

A hand moved down, tugging over at the zipper of his jeans, and it only occurred to Monty then that maybe Jasper had come for something else; not for love or kisses but carnal desire.

“Jas—“

“Do you trust me, Monty?” Jasper asked, looking down at him. “If you trust me—If you want this—then let me.”

“I can’t do this,” he whispered. “Jasper, you don’t want me, do you? Is this about Octavia?”

His friend pulled away, hand moving to cover his face and hitched breaths chocking out. “She’s with someone else. I was going to tell her tonight...”

“Tell her what?”

“I was going to tell her that I didn’t like her, that we couldn’t be together because—Because I’m in love with my best friend.  She asked me and I said no so I came here to try and fix things but God I’m so drunk. Where am I?”

“You’re in love with me?”

“ _Shit_ —Out of all the places for me to come, I came here.”

Monty pushed forward, lips capturing Jasper’s. For the most part, he didn’t care that his friend had abandoned him over a year ago or that he hadn’t ever said one word about not being straight or that maybe, just maybe, Monty’s younger self would’ve killed to be as close to Jasper as he was right then. God, it felt good.

A year of pain and misery and heartache would never go away but for what it was worth, all of that was worth it for the bliss he had then, for the fact that Jasper had admitted he loved him or that he was drunk and had stumbled his way to Monty’s house of all the places he could go.

They managed to find their way upstairs, bypassing the mess on Monty’s floor before they fell, hands clasped and lips locked, down onto his bed.

“I love you,” they would whisper, hands tugging at the bottom of shirts and pulling down zips with clumsy lips and giggling- seriously, do people even giggle?- and two boys who were too oblivious a few years ago to even realise they were in love until that moment. It was their first time, which was spent laughing for minute intervals and moans and groans and basic desire.

Monty would only manage to choke out a few words the entire time in incomplete sentences; “Jasper—“ “Yes... good.” “Yes, yes!”

Jasper was surprisingly gentle and soft, with his gentle hands moving over Monty’s back and soft words in his ear as they moved against each other, the movement of their bodies filling even the dullest and quietest rooms of Monty’s house.

It was good, it was nice, and neither would trade it for anything else in the entire world.

When they finished, they laid on their backs on his bed, breathing heavily and laughing hysterically, and they held each other’s hands, and whispered to each other in the dark.

“My parents will be home soon,” Monty hushed, shifting beside Jasper. He was definitely, one-hundred percent going to be sore in places he never would’ve imagined a few weeks ago. “You should go.”

“I get it. You just want me for my body.”

He reached for a pillow, bringing it down upon his boyfriend’s face. “Shut up!”

Jasper lifted himself up, face turning scarlet as he turned to look at Monty, frowning. It wasn’t exactly the expression Monty had expected and his heart thudded dangerously against the inside of his chest.

“What is it, Jas?”

“You’ve seen me naked,” he said.

“Are you serious?”

“What?”

Monty rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to throw the pillow in his hands at Jasper. “We just had sex and you’re worried about me seeing you naked?”

“Yes?”

“Your priorities really aren’t in order,” he sighed, looking back over to find his friend. “Hey, Jas?—What does this mean? For us, I mean.”

But when he glanced over, all he saw was Jasper disappearing out of his bedroom door.

__

Things could definitely have gone better. By the time Monty’s parents had got home, he was sitting up in bed with his blanket pulled up to his chin, knuckles turning white as he gripping at it, and sobs muffled into it.

They were too tired to notice or they didn’t care, and they retired to bed almost as soon as they got home, not bothering to make sure he hadn’t been brutally murdered while they were gone.

He reached for his phone, staring at it. Clarke had been texting, saying Jasper had disappeared and she was worried he’d had too much to drink but they were from before his friend had shown up at his door and thrown himself at him. Jasper _had_ called but only once and a few hours ago.

The sun was peeking over the horizon; the same one he’d watched set the evening before on the swing-sets.

He’d known it was a bad idea. Ten years of friendship and a year apart, things would never go back to normal. Monty had messed up, probably more than he had ever known, and he scrolled through the messages Clarke had sent him after Jasper had left which consisted of her mostly expressing her concern because he was still missing and then that she’d found him and then that Jasper was going to call him to talk.

He didn’t care.

All he wanted to do was climb out of his bed and out his front door and dig a hole in his backyard and then bury himself in it to hide the shame, the embarrassment.

Monty crawled out of bed, tugging on his clothing and the discarded jacket on his floor which wasn’t his, but he pulled it on anyway, and snuck outside, all the way to the park and to the swing-set where he waited for hours and hours but Jasper never showed.

That’s what they used to do.

When they were fourteen, which was only around four or five years ago, which was really that much, and he still missed those days. Things were so much more complicated now that they had slept together, and that they had finally admitted their feelings, but Monty wanted it all back. He wanted everything; every single little thing he had given to Jasper, and he wanted all of it back.

It wasn’t until around eight that he finally showed up, hair ruffled, his shoelaces untied and unspoken words still on his lips. He gave a mumbled greeting, kicked at the dirt beneath his feet, and joined Monty, sitting in the swing on the younger boy’s right.

“M—“

“I don’t want to talk.”

They sat in silence for a while, which was probably too long because Jasper looked like he was itching to say something, until Monty finally spoke, not meeting his friend’s gaze or giving a second thought to anything that had happened last night; he didn’t want to.

“I don’t think we should be friends anymore,” he said. “I thought we could be but we can’t. You abandoned me, Jasper, and I had no one for over five hundred days, and all of those days were missing one thing; you.”

“Are you breaking up with me or trying to make me fall in love with you, Monty?” Jasper asked, voice breathy.

“Ten years,” came the reply, voice whiny and desperate. “We were friends for ten years and I watched us drift apart and apart until you didn’t even bother anymore, Jas. You said I was the only one doing it, that it was all me, and they handed me an orange jumpsuit and a paint roller and dumped me in some building with a both of criminals—

“And not once do you think to say something. Or do something. I went from being your best friend to being no one. I locked myself in my room for weeks and my parents sent me to see someone and then gave me a list of rules to follow that I had to abide by and I just broke atleast three of them.”

More silence followed after that, just Jasper texting something to someone and Monty’s phone buzzing in his pocket. Whether it was his parents or Clarke or possibly Raven, he didn’t care to find out. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, even the boy beside him.

“I was in love with you for five years.”

“We’ve known each other for ten.”

“ _Five years_.”

Since they were ten, Monty Green had been sure the sun had shone out of Jasper Jordan’s ass, and it might of well have because even if it didn’t, Monty was still going to be so entirely sure that it did.

“I meant what I said last night,” Jasper whispered. “About being in love with you and not wanting to be with Octavia. I just—I just panicked. I had to get out of there and clear my head for a bit. I told Clarke was happened. I told her about _everything_ , Monty.”

“And the fact you abandoned me by myself- for the second time ever- in my room at four in the morning wondering why you’d left me?”

“Yeah.”

Monty, for the first time in his entire life, left Jasper Jordan sitting by himself, and for some reason, he couldn’t find it in himself to turn back to look at his ex-friend. He just keep walking and never looked back; things were better that way.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a kudos or a comment if you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading!


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